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Monday, February 04, 2008
SMALL BABY

Go to fullsize image LOOK SO SMALL

Go to fullsize image BABY SLEEP

Go to fullsize image just born

Go to fullsize image cry

 

GIRL RUN OVER BY GOLF CART

So, back when I was in college, I was walking from one class to another. I glanced behind me for some reason, and I noticed a golf cart was driving on the sidewalk. Now, anyone who drives a golf cart at a college campus is going to be someone of importance. The golf cart flew past, way above the speed limit (yes, there is actually a golf cart speed limit on campus). The driver clipped the girl’s foot in front of me (now, mind you, this girl was not skinny), and kerplop, down she went. The driver glanced over, and kept on driving!

I couldn’t believe the golf cart driver didn’t even stop to make sure that this poor student was OK. She could not get up on her own, and lucky for her, another student helped her up. I couldn’t believe what I saw. I also had to tell myself, “Now is not the time to laugh”. I tend to laugh at people (out loud if I know them) who fall down for whatever reason, but this was not the appropriate moment to kick her while she was down (no pun intended).

 

 

 

 


Posted at 07:45 am by harmimi
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Sunday, January 27, 2008
picture

what this?

so cute

wrong job

photostat man

 drink milk

sticker man


Posted at 08:13 am by harmimi
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Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Moral of the story

Half-Educated
 
A jackal met a wolf and the two got to talking.
"How far have you studied?" asked the wolf, suddenly.
"To tell you the truth, I'm only half-educated," said the jackal.
"Then I'm twice as educated as you," said the wolf. "From now on you should address me as 'Sir'."
Just then a ferocious tiger stepped out from behind a bush.
"What shall we do...Sir?" asked the jackal.
But the wolf was so frightened he couldn't talk.
"Going somewhere?" growled the tiger, positioning himself to leap.
"We were in fact coming to consult you, Sir," said the jackal, thinking quickly. "A dispute has arisen between us and only you with your superior intelligence could settle it for us."
The tiger was pleased.
"What's this dispute about?" he asked, relaxing.
"I have caught two plump chickens," said the jackal. "My friend says that as he is more educated than me he should get one. Now is that fair?"
"How far have you studied?" asked the tiger, looking the wolf up and down.
The wolf's teeth chattered in fright.
"He says he has as many qualifications as there are teeth in his mouth," interpreted the jackal.
"Is that so!" said the tiger. "Then I'm far better educated... see!" And he opened his mouth to show his fearsome teeth.
The sight so unnerved the wolf that his legs gave way and he fell flat on his face.
"He admits you're more educated and is prostrating at your teeth," explained the jackal. "I should prostrate too for the wisdom you've shown in settling our dispute."
"I have?" said the tiger, perplexed.
"Now that you've claimed the chickens for yourself, my friend and I no longer have a dispute," said the jackal. "Please follow me to my house and I'll give you the chickens."
The tiger was delighted. He rarely got to eat chicken. Also, his superior intelligence told him that once he had eaten the chickens there was nothing to prevent him from eating the jackal and the wolf too.
"Lead the way," he said.
The jackal led him to the mouth of a tunnel in the side of a hill.
"Here we are," he said. "My friend will go in and bring the chickens."
The opening was much too small for the wolf but he was so eager to gain the safety of the tunnel that he somehow squeezed himself through it.
When he did not come out for some time, the jackal said he would see what was keeping him and deftly slipped into the tunnel, too.
It took some time for the tiger to realise that he had been tricked. Then he was so furious that he forgot he was educated and putting his face close to the opening roundly cursed the jackal and flung the choicest abuse at him.
After he had gone, the wolf, helped by the jackal, squeezed out of the tunnel.
He had got his voice back.
"You may be uneducated," he said admiringly, "but you've certainly got brains."
"Thank you," said the jackal. "Sir!"

 


The Scheming Rat
 
A rat about to emerge from his hole, espied a cat outside. He went back to the colony of rats at the bottom of the hole and invited one of his acquaintances to join him in a visit to a nearby cornfield.
"I would've gone alone," he said, "but I could not deny myself the pleasure of your distinguished company."
"I'll certainly come," said the acquaintance, pleased. "Lead on."
"Lead!" exclaimed the other. "How could I walk in front of a rat as great and illustrious as you? It is you who must lead. I'll follow!"
Greatly flattered, the acquaintance led the way out of the hole and was promptly caught by the cat.
The other rat slipped out unnoticed and went on his way.

 

 


The Diplomatic Reply
 
The Lion, the king of animals, one day called all his subjects to his court, a vast, smelly cave.
The bear felt nauseated by the smell and held his nose. The lion was offended and gave him a blow that knocked him senseless.
"Does my court smell that bad?" he asked the monkey.
"Not at all, Your Highness," said the monkey, ingratiatingly. "I would say your court smells like a bouquet of flowers."
The lion knew this was not possible and knocked him senseless too.
The other animals, including a fox, began to sidle out of the cave but the lion caught the fox's tail and pulled him back.
"Let us have your opinion," he said. "Does my court smell?"
"I have a terrible cold, Your Highness," said the fox, forcing a sneeze. "I cannot smell a thing so I cannot tell you whether your court smells or not."
The lion liked his clever reply and gave him an important post at his court.


 
Outwitting a Crocodile 
 
Sang Kancil, an intelligent mouse-deer was known for his cunning and wit. Several times he outwitted the big, bad crocodile, Sang Buaya.
Sang Kancil's home was full of trees and food and so Sang Kancil had no trouble finding food when he was hungry. Sang Kancil spent his days running and jumping, and his favourite pastime was to look at his own reflection in the river.
Sang Buaya, a crocodile, and a few other crocodiles lived in the river and were waiting for a chance to have Sang Kancil for dinner. One day, as Sang Kancil was walking by the riverside, he saw red, ripe fruits hanging on the trees across the river. Sang Kancil wanted to taste the delicious looking fruits because he was getting tired of eating only leaves on his side of the river. He walked to the riverbank and thought hard how to cross the river with Sang Buaya waiting for him at the bottom of the river.
Sang Kancil thought and thought and suddenly an idea came to him. He called out to Sang Buaya, "Sang Buaya! Sang Buaya!" Slowly Sang Buaya emerged from the water. "What is it, Sang Kancil? Why are you shouting my name? Aren't you afraid that I would grab you and have you for dinner?" asked Sang Buaya, opening his big mouth.
"Of course I am afraid but I have a mission to do. The King has ordered me to count the crocodiles in the river. He is having a feast and all of you are invited to attend. There will be plenty of food, but first I need to count how many of you are here. So would you please ask your fellow crocodiles to line up across the river so that I can count you up?" said Sang Kancil.
Sang Buaya was excited. He gathered all the crocodiles in the river and told them about the feast. Soon all the crocodiles made a line across the river. "Don't try to eat me while I am counting. Otherwise I would not be able to report to the King," warned Sang Kancil. "We won't eat you," the crocodiles promised.
Sang Kancil stepped on top of Sang Buaya's head and counted one. When he came to the second crocodile, Sang Kancil counted two and so to the rest of the line until he reached to the other side of the river. Sang Kancil turned to Sang Buaya and said, "Thank you, Sang Buaya for helping me to cross the river. This is my new home."
"What do you mean? You tricked us to help you cross the river?" shouted Sang Buaya. He was shocked. "There isn't any feast, is there?" The other crocodiles looked at Sang Buaya angrily. They knew they had been tricked.
After that, Sang Kancil lived happily in his new home and had plenty of tasty fruits and green leaves to eat. Sang Buaya, however, was ignored by the other crocodiles because of his foolishness.

 

 

 


 


 


Posted at 12:57 am by harmimi
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Friday, January 18, 2008
CAT PICTURE

Funny Pictures

funny pictures

funny pictures

Funny Pictures

The Fairest of them all
 
An eagle once promised an owl in return for a favour, that he would never ever harm the owl’s chicks.
“But do you know what my chicks look like?” asked the mother owl doubtfully. “How can I be sure that you won’t mistake them for some other bird’s?”
“Well,” said the eagle. “Describe them to me, so that I can recognise them.”
“Actually, they cannot be mistaken for any other bird’s,” said the owl, her chest puffing up with pride. “They are soft, fluffy, and by far the prettiest young ones you could ever see.”
One evening, the eagle came upon a nest filled with screeching fledglings, their red mouths agape. He paused, then thought, “Surely these are not the owl’s chicks. She said they are very beautiful, but these chicks look hideous.” And he swooped down without a second thought and ate them all.
Returning to her nest, the mother owl found it empty save for a few bloodied feathers.
“How could the eagle have forgotten his promise?”she wailed. “I told him my chicks were the most beautiful in the world!”

Moral: Every mother thinks that her own children are the best.
(Adapted from a fable by the 17th-century French writer, Jean de la Fontaine)

 

Donkey who didn't help
 
A dog and a donkey were going to the market with their master. It was a very long walk across a mountainous path. At noon, the master ate the little food he had brought along, unloaded the donkey, and settled down under a tree for a nap. The donkey began to eat the grass growing there, but there was nothing for the dog to eat.
“There are some loaves among the load you were carrying,” said the dog to the donkey. “Let’s take one and share it between ourselves.”
“Wait till the master gets up!” said the donkey, tersely. “He’ll feed you then.”
Just then a ravenous wolf came into view.
“Help me, help me, dog!” pleaded the donkey, quavering in fear.
“I’m so hungry I don’t have the strength to do anything,” replied the dog. “Wait till the master gets up. He’ll certainly help you.”
—Jean de La Fontaine


 
Wrinkled Winner
 
A goat, an ass and a camel were walking down a road when they came upon a bundle of hay that had fallen from a cart.
“This hay looks delicious,” said the goat, “but it’s not enough for all three of us. Let the oldest among us have it.”
“Then it should go to me,” said the ass. “Do you know, I was in Delhi, when Nadir Shah entered it in triumph in 1739...that makes me at least 250 years old.”
“A child compared to me,” snorted the goat. “I was one of the animals that was driven from Delhi to Daulatabad when that madman, Sultan Muhammad bin Tughlaq shifted his capital....”
They suddenly noticed that the camel was calmly nibbling at the straw.
“What are you doing!” shouted the goat.
“Why, didn’t you say the oldest should have it?” said the camel. “The two of you may be centuries old but look at me...look at my knobby joints and wrinkled skin.....could either of you be older than me?”
And before the other two could think of a reply, the camel picked up the bundle of hay and walked away.


The Fire Specialists
 
There was an enormous haystack near a village and several small animals had made their homes in it. Among these were a tortoise, a cobra, a mongoose and a jackal.
One day as these four were enjoying an afternoon chat, the other residents came running to them in a state of panic.
"Our haystack is on fire!" they screamed.
"A fire, is it?" said the tortoise. "Please stay calm. I know a hundred thousand ways of dealing with a fire."
"And I know a thousand ways," said the cobra, modestly.
"As for me, I know only a hundred," said the mongoose,"but they're all tried and trusted methods."
"And you, Sir," said the residents to the jackal. "How many do you know?"
"Only one," said the jackal, sniffing the smoke-laden air. "When the fire is this close there's only one thing to do: run!" And with that he jumped from the haystack and bounded away.
"Stupid creature," sneered the tortoise. "He ran away because he has not studied fire like I or my friends here have. Listen to the first method of escaping a fire..."
But he never got beyond that. A tongue of flame leapt out from the centre of the haystack and consumed him and his two knowledgeable friends. The other animals leapt from the haystack like they had seen the 'stupid' jackal do and ran for their lives.

 

 

 


Posted at 06:11 am by harmimi
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Sunday, January 13, 2008
ANIMAL BABY PICTURE

Go to fullsize image baby llama

Go to fullsize image   baby swans cygnets

Go to fullsize image just a baby

Go to fullsize image so cute

 

The Big Leap 
 
Two frogs fell into a deep pit, and though they tried very hard they could not hop out. Their comrades peered down from the top and croaked in sympathy.
“We feel for you,” they shouted, “ but there’s no way you can get out from there!”
On hearing this, one of the frogs lost heart, and died of fear. The other frog was deaf. He thought his comrades were shouting encouragement. Emboldened by their faith in him, he gathered up all his reserves of energy in one great jump that landed him out of the pit.

 


 
Whining & Dining
 
Mosquito spotted Iguana basking near the pond. She flew up to him and said, “Hey, Iguana, I just saw a farmer digging up potatoes that were as big as me!” Iguana was annoyed at being disturbed and snapped, “What’s a mosquito compared to a potato? I’d rather be deaf than hear such nonsense!” And he stuck twigs in his ears and stomped off. When Python saw Iguana pass by, he said a friendly ‘Hello’. Iguana seemed not to hear. “Iguana is angry,” thought Python. “I better hide,” and quickly slithered into Rabbit’s hole.
Rabbit was so startled she jumped out of her burrow and hared away. Crow saw her and cawed loudly in alarm. Monkey heard Crow and leaped from branch to branch, shrieking disaster. Crack! A branch broke under Monkey’s weight. It fell into Owl’s nest, crushing one of her babies. When Owl returned, she was overcome by sorrow and stopped hooting. The Sun did not rise the next day as he depended on Owl’s wake-up call.
Lion summoned all the animals. He asked Owl why she hadn’t woken the Sun.
“Monkey killed my owlet,” she said sadly. “I am in no mood to awaken the Sun.”
When Monkey was questioned, the entire chain of events was revealed. It was Iguana who had caused all the trouble! Iguana, of course, didn’t hear a thing because he still had twigs in his ears. Lion pulled them out, chuckling.
“Now, Iguana, what’s all this? Python says you snubbed him this morning.”
“What! I never…I never even heard him!”stuttered Iguana.“It was Mosquito! She narrated a tall tale that spoiled my whole morning!”
When Owl heard they’d found the culprit, she let out a loud hoot. The Sun rose and the animals cheered.
“That’s better!” said Lion. “But where is Mosquito? She must be punished!” All the animals looked around eagerly. But Mosquito was nowhere to be found. She had been eavesdropping all the while and felt so wretched, she dared not show her face. To this day, she suffers a guilty conscience. She buzzes and whines in people’s ears, even as she dines on their blood: “Zeeee, zeeee…Is everyone still angry with me?”
And an irritated slap is all she gets for an answer!

 


 
Tiger's Cub
 
A magician was demonstrating his tricks at a country fair, on an open-air stage. He got loud applause when he took out a rabbit from his hat.
Unknown to the magician and the spectators, a tiger was watching the show from behind some bushes, nearby. Later that night, the tiger waylaid the magician as he was going home.
“I saw you pull a rabbit out of your hat,” he said. “Pull out a cub for me!”
“The rabbit was in the bag all the time,” blurted the magician, trembling from head to toe. “I cannot create animals out of thin air!”
“Produce a tiger cub if you know what’s good for you!” snarled the beast.
“All right, all right!” said the magician, thinking fast. “But it’ll take some time. A month at least.”
“I can wait!”
“There’s another thing,” said the magician, a plan forming in his mind. “You’ll have to stay on a diet of milk and rice during the entire period!”
“Milk and rice!”
“Otherwise the trick will not work.”
“All right,” said the tiger, finally. “ I’ll live on milk and rice.”
He went away and returned a month later.
“Now let me have the cub,” he said, in a barely audible voice, his diet having made him extremely weak.
The magician called the whole village to witness the magic trick.
“This is a special show for our guest here,” he announced. “So instead of pulling out a rabbit from my hat I’ll pull out a young member of his family.”
He muttered some mumbo-jumbo, passed his hands over the hat several times, and then with a loud cry plunged his hand into the hat and pulled out a small cuddly animal.
“A kitten!” guffawed the spectators.
The kitten meowed.
The tiger was not amused. He let out a mighty roar, or at least he had intended to roar but in his weakened state the sound that emerged from his mouth was a loud
“MEEEEE-OOOWWW!”
The villagers rocked with laughter. The tiger felt so ashamed that he leapt out of his seat and ran away, and was never seen again.

 

 


Safety in Numbers
 
A fly was flying around a web but it seemed reluctant to land, so finally the resident spider poked its head out and invited it in.
“No, thank you,” said the fly. “I was looking for other flies but I don’t see any. I only feel safe in a crowd.”
The fly streaked away. Presently, it came across a large number of flies sitting on a large piece of paper.
“Don’t land!” warned a bee flying past. “ It’s flypaper. All those flies are stuck to it!”
“What nonsense,” retorted the fly. “They’re enjoying themselves! See they’re dancing!!”
“They’re not dancing! They’re trying to free themselves!!” yelled the bee, but the fly wasn’t listening.
It settled on the flypaper, and got stuck.

Moral: ‘Safety in Numbers’ may be a good slogan, but it’s not always true.


 

 

 


Posted at 09:28 am by harmimi
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Tuesday, January 08, 2008
more funny picture

Indio's Wild Whiskered Yawn so hungry      Funny Face  me to

Hold on there, buster!  Just where do you think you're going? wrestling     Um final de semana perfeito, assistindo Tom & Jerry na tv e dando gargalhadas... hey! don't fight

A Self Portrait  hai           Marshmallow Ashley  hai

 

Madho, the Milkman
 
We've all heard of milkmen adding water to milk. Madho was one such man. His customers knew but were helpless. There was no other milkman in the locality.
One day as Madho was about to start on his rounds in the morning, there was a flash of light and a godly being stood before him.
Madho cowered in fright.
"Why do you add water to milk, Madho?" asked the god.
"I...I..." stammered Madho.
"Speak up!" said the god.
"I-I do it to increase the quantity of milk so that I can make more money, Lord," said Madho.
The god waved his hand and a can of milk identical to the one Madho was carrying appeared before him.
"Behold!" said the deity, "I have given you another can of milk. You now have double the quantity of milk you got from your cows, this morning."
Madho thanked the god profusely and picking up the can, started walking. He took a few steps and stopped.
"Yes?" asked the god. "Is there anything more you want?"
"I was wondering," said Madho, "If you could..."
"Yes! You want another can of milk?" asked the god, kindly.
"No...No!" protested Madho. "I'm not that greedy... just give me another can of water.

 


 
An Old Joke
 
An elderly man went to a doctor with multiple complaints.
"I see spots before my eyes," he said.
"It's due to old age," said the doctor.
"No food agrees with me," said the man.
"That too is due to old age," said the doctor. "The digestive system becomes weaker as we grow older."
"My back is giving trouble," persisted the man. "Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable."
"Old age," said the doctor.
This was too much for the man.
"Why do you go on saying 'old age, old age'," he screamed. "If you cannot cure me, say so. I'll go elsewhere."
"See how easily you lost you temper," said the doctor. "That is another characteristic of old age."

 

 


 
Master of the Game
 
An old man who lived in a small side street in the city of Mumbai had to put up with the nuisance of having boys play cricket outside his house, at night.
One evening when the boys were particularly noisy he went out to talk to them.
He explained that he was a pensioner who was happiest when he could see or hear boys playing his favourite game, cricket. He said he would give them 25 rupees each week to play in the street at night.
The boys were thrilled.
They were being paid to do something they enjoyed!
At the end of the first week they knocked at the old man's house and asked to be paid.
He did so.
The second week when they asked for payment he said he had run out of money and sent them away with only 15 rupees.
The third week the man said he had not yet received his pension and gave them only 10 rupees.
The boys were very disappointed but there was not much they could do about it.
The fourth week the man said he could not afford to pay them 25 rupees as he had promised, but would give them 5 rupees each week without fail.
This was too much for the boys.
"You expect us to play seven days a week for a measly 5 rupees!" they yelled. "Go to blazes."
They stormed away and never played on the street again.


 

 


The Servant's Ruse
 
A man was expecting a visit from an acquaintance. He gave two ripe mangoes to his servant and asked him to slice them and serve the fruit when the man came.
The servant gave in to temptation and ate a slice. It was so sweet he could not resist eating another one. Then the madness of gluttony seized him and he devoured all the remaining pieces.
Suddenly he saw the man his master was expecting coming towards the house. He thought fast. He grabbed a rusty knife and rushing to his master told him he couldn't cut the mangoes as the knife was blunt.
"I'll sharpen it," said his master and going to a stone in the garden began to rub the cutting edge of the knife against it.
Leaving him to the task the servant ran out to meet the man who was coming.
"Beware! Beware!" he said when he reached him. "Don't come to our house. My master has gone mad. He's planning to cut both your ears."
"Cut my ears!" exclaimed the man, turning pale. "Why?!"
"There he is sharpening the knife," said the servant. The man saw that his host did indeed have a knife in his hands and was sharpening it with what looked to him like a maniacal fury. He did not wait to find out why his host wanted his ears. He turned around and started walking away as fast as he could.
The servant rushed back to his master and told him that the man he had invited was running away with the mangoes.
"What!" said his master. "The greedy fellow! Has he taken both the mangoes?!"
"Yes," said the servant.
The man ran after the acquaintance shouting:
"Give me one! Give me one at least!"
The other man thought he was asking for one of his ears and ran for his life!


 

 


Posted at 07:34 am by harmimi
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Friday, January 04, 2008
ANIMAL PICTURE AND SHORT STORY

Go to fullsize imageThe Mutant Animal   Go to fullsize image

 

Go to fullsize image  The Army    Go to fullsize image

Go to fullsize image    Miow! Miow            Go to fullsize image

 

Go to fullsize image  This is my ball

 

Treble Trouble
 
Speaking without thinking can treble your troubles as this ancient story demonstrates.
A man was caught stealing a bag of onions and taken before a judge.
The judge gave him a choice of three punishments: eat the onions he had stolen at one sitting; submit to a hundred lashes of the whip or pay a fine.
The man said he would eat the onions. He began confidently enough but after eating a few, his eyes began to burn, his nose started running and his mouth felt as if it were on fire.
“I can’t eat the onions,” he said. “Give me the lashes instead.”
But after he had received a few strokes he began to turn and twist to avoid the whip.
“I can’t bear it!” he screamed, finally. “I’ll pay the fine.”
So he paid the fine and was let off, but he became the laughing-stock of the city for having taken three punishments for the same crime.

 

 

 


 
War of Words
 
A king sent a message to the ruler of a neighbouring country. The message read: "Send me a blue diamond as large as a pigeon's egg or else..."
The king on getting the message wrote back:
"We don't have such a diamond and if we had..."
The first king got very angry and declared war on his neighbour. The fighting went on for several months till a third king arranged a meeting between the two warring rulers. So they met and the first king said to the other: "What did you mean when you said, 'Send me a blue diamond as large as a pigeon's egg or else...'?"
"Why," he replied, "I meant a blue diamond as large as a pigeon's egg or else... some other diamond. I love diamonds. But what did you mean when you said, 'We don't have such a diamond and if we had-'?"
"It is easy to guess my meaning," said the other man. "What I wanted to say was, if we had such a diamond we would have gladly sent it to you."
The Kings pledged to write more clearly in future communications and embraced and made peace.


 

 


The Fear of God
 
There were two brothers who were always up to some mischief. If
somebody had been locked up in his house or if somebody's dog had been painted green, one always knew who the culprits were — the brothers.
One day the boys' mother asked a priest to talk to her sons and put the fear of God in them so that they would mend their ways. The priest asked her to send her sons to him one at a time.
When the younger boy, a lad of thirteen, came, he made him sit and asked him:
"Where is God?"
The boy did not answer.
The priest asked again, in a louder voice: "Where is God?"
The boy remained silent. But when the priest asked the same question a third time, the boy jumped up and ran away.
He went straight to his brother.
"We are in big trouble!" he gasped.
"What's wrong?" asked the older boy, warily, wondering which of their sins had caught up with them.
"God is missing," said the youngster, "and they think we have something to do with it!"

 

 

 


Five Men in a Cart 
 
Guru Gampar had told his four disciples that they were never to do anything without his permission.
One day while they were on their way to a distant town, Guru Gampar fell asleep in the bullock cart they were travelling in. His head rolled from side to side and suddenly his turban slipped from his head and fell on to the road. But as their guru had told them never to do anything without his permission, none of the disciples made a move to get down and pick it up. When the guru woke up and was told about the loss of his turban he was furious.
"Next time anything falls off pick it up at once!" he thundered. Some time later the bullock dropped its dung and the four foolish disciples leaped down and picked it up. Guru Gampar was horrified. He made a list of the things that could fall off from a moving cart. "Pick up any of these things if they fall," he told them, handing them the list. "Don't pick up anything that is not mentioned here."
Just then the cart lurched violently and Guru Gampar was thrown headlong into a ditch.
Guru Gampar yelled to his disciples to pull him out.
"We can't, guruji," said his disciples, sadly. "Your name is not on the list you gave us." Guru Gampar pleaded with them to pull him out, but in vain.
"We know you are testing us, guruji," they told him. "But you can rest assured that we will never disobey you. You told us not pick up anything that was not mentioned in your list and we will not do so."
"Give me the list!" yelled Guru Gampar. They threw him the list and the pen and the guru hastily scrawled his name on it. Then and then only did the obedient disciples pull their beloved guru out of the ditch and put him back into the cart!

 


 


Posted at 10:16 am by harmimi
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Sunday, December 30, 2007
THE DOG

FUNNY PICTURES:Nice pups

Posted at 10:11 am by harmimi
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Sunday, December 23, 2007
HUMOROUS STORIES

The Best Artist
 
A despotic sultan who was blind in one eye invited three artists to paint his picture.
"If you do a bad portrait, I will punish you," he warned, " but if you do a good one I will reward you. Now start!"
The first artist produced a picture that showed the sultan as he was: blind in one eye.
The sultan had him executed for showing disrespect to his monarch.
The second artist showed him with both eyes intact.
The sultan had him flogged for trying to flatter him.
The third artist drew him in profile, showing only his good eye.
The sultan, pleased, rewarded him with gold and honours.

 

                                      

 

 

 

 

 


Sleepless Night
 
There was an old Iranian who was intensely proud of two things – his long, white beard that reached down to his chest, and his ability to sleep the moment his head touched the pillow.
One day, his 3-year-old grandson asked him how he arranged his beard when he slept: did it go under the blanket or did it remain above it?
The old man had never paid attention to this detail, and he confessed he didn't remember whether his beard remained above or went under the blanket. He promised to find out.
It was very cold that night. The old man got into bed and pulled the blanket over himself. Then he suddenly remembered his grandson's question.
He became acutely conscious that his beard was under the blanket. He lifted it from under the blanket, and placed it above it. This made him feel that something was not quite right. So he tucked the beard under the blanket again. But he soon felt it would be better if it were out. In and out went the beard; first under the blanket, then above it, then under once again. The old man spent a sleepless night.
The next morning the first thing he did was cut his beard to chin level, to the great joy of his daughter who, for several months, had been urging him to do just that.

 

 

 

 


Change of Mind
 
There was a sickly young girl who always seemed to be at death's door. Her
neighbour was a widow, bent with age. Whenever she caught sight of the girl she would shake her head sadly and say: "Oh God, why do you torment that poor child...if you want a life take this old woman!"
One evening a bull in the village, put its head into a large black pot to get at some grain at the bottom, and then couldn't get its head out. Frightened and confused, it ran hither and thither, unable to see where it was going because its eyes were covered by the pot.
Meanwhile, the old woman we mentioned, was visiting her neighbour. She came out and as usual began shaking her head and saying that if God wanted a life he should take hers. Suddenly she became aware that a powerfully-built beast, apparently headless, was rushing at her.
"Yama has come for me!" she thought and was filled with terror.
"Mercy, my Lord, mercy!" she screeched, falling to her knees in front of the advancing bull. "Spare me. There's a sickly girl next door. Take her instead!"

 

 

 

 

 


The Sultan's Robe
 
In the last century, there lived a sultan who waged war tirelessly and finally made himself master of a largish desert.
"Surely I'm the greatest monarch in the world," he said to his vizier, one day. "What do the people say about me?"
"They're all praise for you, Your Excellency," said the vizier, "all except one man, Ali, a camel-driver by profession. He's always running you down."
"How dare he!" roared the Sultan. "Bring him here at once. I'll cut out his tongue!!"
When Ali was brought to the palace, he threw himself at the Sultan's feet.
"At last my dearest wish to see you has come true," he said, obsequiously. "I used to say nasty things about you so that I might be brought into your august presence."
"Why?" boomed the Sultan.
"So that I might recite the poem I have written in your honour, O Merciful One."
"Recite!"
Ali began to recite a poem his grandfather had taught him in his childhood. It proclaimed the greatness of Alexander, the Great but Ali deftly substituted the Sultan's name for Alexander's whenever the need arose.
The Sultan was flattered.
"Good poem," he said, when Ali had finished. "Describes me exactly. You deserve a reward. Choose from one of these magnificent saddles," and he indicated a pile of saddles, lying nearby.
Ali chose a donkey's saddle, and thanking the Sultan, bowed himself out of the palace.
The people from his village who were sure he would be executed, and were waiting for news about it, outside the gate, were astounded to see him.
"The Sultan let you go?" they asked, bemused.
"And why not?" he asked. "I recited a poem in his honour and he rewarded me with one of his best robes."
"The sultan gave you his robe!" They gasped. "Where is it?"
He showed them the donkey's saddle.

 

 

 

 


The Gift
 
Gopal Bhand was once taken to court by a man who claimed that he owned the land on which Gopal's house stood.
Gopal had the documents to prove that he owned the land but he knew that the judge who was to try the case was corrupt and could be bought. Gopal decided to take a gift for the judge.
At the hearing, the complainant stated his case and then taking out a fat wallet from one pocket transferred it to another in a slow and deliberate manner. The judge understood. He looked at Gopal as if to ask him if he could match the offer.
In answer, Gopal patted his own pocket. The judge was pleased to see that it was bulging. He could make out the outlines of two large objects in it and he felt sure they were gold ornaments.
He gave a verdict in Gopal's favour and called him to his chambers. Gopal went round to the judge's chambers and began to thank him for deciding the case in his favour. But the judge cut him short with an impatient gesture of his hand.
"The gift," he snapped. "Give me whatever you have brought for me!"
Gopal took out two large stones from his pocket and gave them to him.

 

 

 


The Man Who Loved Bread
 
A man eating in a restaurant called the waiter and complained that he had been given only one loaf with his meat dish.
"I like lots of bread," said the man. "Remember that next time."
The next time he came the waiter served him three loaves. "This is better than the last time," said the man. "But I would have liked more bread."
The next time he came the waiter served him five loaves but sill the man seemed unhappy. Later the waiter told the cook about the man. The cook said he would see to it that the man was fully satisfied the next time he came.
Two days later the man came again. The waiter alerted the cook who alerted the bakery with whom he had placed an order for a loaf 2ft wide, 3ft thick and 6ft long. The bakery delivered the loaf to the restaurant, and the cook and the waiter triumphantly carried the loaf to the customer. The customer stared at the loaf in disbelief.
"This is the last time I'm coming here!" he announced getting up angrily from his chair and throwing his napkin on the table. "I keep telling you I want more bread and here you are once again serving me just one loaf!"

 


 


Posted at 09:34 am by harmimi
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Saturday, December 15, 2007
ANIMAL SHORT STORY

 

The Big Leap    cry
 
Two frogs fell into a deep pit, and though they tried very hard they could not hop out. Their comrades peered down from the top and croaked in sympathy.
"We feel for you," they shouted, " but there's no way you can get out from there!"
On hearing this, one of the frogs lost heart, and died of fear. The other frog was deaf. He thought his comrades were shouting encouragement. Emboldened by their faith in him, he gathered up all his reserves of energy in one great jump that landed him out of the pit.

 


Whining & Dining  Sad
 
Mosquito spotted Iguana basking near the pond. She flew up to him and said, "Hey, Iguana, I just saw a farmer digging up potatoes that were as big as me!" Iguana was annoyed at being disturbed and snapped, "What's a mosquito compared to a potato? I'd rather be deaf than hear such nonsense!" And he stuck twigs in his ears and stomped off. When Python saw Iguana pass by, he said a friendly 'Hello'. Iguana seemed not to hear. "Iguana is angry," thought Python. "I better hide," and quickly slithered into Rabbit's hole.
Rabbit was so startled she jumped out of her burrow and hared away. Crow saw her and cawed loudly in alarm. Monkey heard Crow and leaped from branch to branch, shrieking disaster. Crack! A branch broke under Monkey's weight. It fell into Owl's nest, crushing one of her babies. When Owl returned, she was overcome by sorrow and stopped hooting. The Sun did not rise the next day as he depended on Owl's wake-up call.
Lion summoned all the animals. He asked Owl why she hadn't woken the Sun.
"Monkey killed my owlet," she said sadly. "I am in no mood to awaken the Sun."
When Monkey was questioned, the entire chain of events was revealed. It was Iguana who had caused all the trouble! Iguana, of course, didn't hear a thing because he still had twigs in his ears. Lion pulled them out, chuckling.
"Now, Iguana, what's all this? Python says you snubbed him this morning."
"What! I never…I never even heard him!"stuttered Iguana."It was Mosquito! She narrated a tall tale that spoiled my whole morning!"
When Owl heard they'd found the culprit, she let out a loud hoot. The Sun rose and the animals cheered.
"That's better!" said Lion. "But where is Mosquito? She must be punished!" All the animals looked around eagerly. But Mosquito was nowhere to be found. She had been eavesdropping all the while and felt so wretched, she dared not show her face. To this day, she suffers a guilty conscience. She buzzes and whines in people's ears, even as she dines on their blood: "Zeeee, zeeee…Is everyone still angry with me?"
And an irritated slap is all she gets for an answer!

Adapted from an African folktale retold by Verna Aardema. This story was made into a 9-minute animation film in 1984 and is used in classroom projects all over the USA.

 


Tiger's Cub   Wink
 
A magician was demonstrating his tricks at a country fair, on an open-air stage. He got loud applause when he took out a rabbit from his hat.
Unknown to the magician and the spectators, a tiger was watching the show from behind some bushes, nearby. Later that night, the tiger waylaid the magician as he was going home.
"I saw you pull a rabbit out of your hat," he said. "Pull out a cub for me!"
"The rabbit was in the bag all the time," blurted the magician, trembling from head to toe. "I cannot create animals out of thin air!"
"Produce a tiger cub if you know what's good for you!" snarled the beast.
"All right, all right!" said the magician, thinking fast. "But it'll take some time. A month at least."
"I can wait!"
"There's another thing," said the magician, a plan forming in his mind. "You'll have to stay on a diet of milk and rice during the entire period!"
"Milk and rice!"
"Otherwise the trick will not work."
"All right," said the tiger, finally. " I'll live on milk and rice."
He went away and returned a month later.
"Now let me have the cub," he said, in a barely audible voice, his diet having made him extremely weak.
The magician called the whole village to witness the magic trick.
"This is a special show for our guest here," he announced. "So instead of pulling out a rabbit from my hat I'll pull out a young member of his family."
He muttered some mumbo-jumbo, passed his hands over the hat several times, and then with a loud cry plunged his hand into the hat and pulled out a small cuddly animal.
"A kitten!" guffawed the spectators.
The kitten meowed.
The tiger was not amused. He let out a mighty roar, or at least he had intended to roar but in his weakened state the sound that emerged from his mouth was a loud
"MEEEEE-OOOWWW!"
The villagers rocked with laughter. The tiger felt so ashamed that he leapt out of his seat and ran away, and was never seen again.

 


Safety in Numbers   Surprise
 
A fly was flying around a web but it seemed reluctant to land, so finally the resident spider poked its head out and invited it in.
"No, thank you," said the fly. "I was looking for other flies but I don't see any. I only feel safe in a crowd."
The fly streaked away. Presently, it came across a large number of flies sitting on a large piece of paper.
"Don't land!" warned a bee flying past. " It's flypaper. All those flies are stuck to it!"
"What nonsense," retorted the fly. "They're enjoying themselves! See they're dancing!!"
"They're not dancing! They're trying to free themselves!!" yelled the bee, but the fly wasn't listening.
It settled on the flypaper, and got stuck.

Moral: 'Safety in Numbers' may be a good slogan, but it's not always true.

 


 
Tug of War   Shades
 
There was a rabbit who enjoyed playing tricks on other animals.
One day as he was walking in the woods, near the sea he came across a huge elephant pulling out and eating leaves from a tree.
"How are you, Mr Elephant?" he called out. " My, how much you eat!"
"That's because I'm so big," replied the elephant. " Small animals like you don't need much food, but large and powerful animals like me need a lot!"
"Large you certainly are!" said the rabbit, "but powerful…?"
"You don't think I'm powerful?" asked the elephant, sounding surprised, and also a little annoyed.
"I'm sure you are, " said the rabbit." But are you more powerful than me?"
The elephant thought he had not heard right.
"Powerful? You?"
"Yes, me."
The elephant doubled up with laughter.
"You're laughing because you don't know how strong I am," said the rabbit. "If you let me tie a rope around your middle, I'll drag you into the sea."
"Drag me into the sea?!" laughed the elephant. "Hoo-hooo – hoooo!! Well, go ahead! Tie a rope around me and let me sea how far you can pull me!"
The rabbit tied a thick rope around the elephant's body.
"When you feel a tug on the rope, be ready to pull," he said, "or you'll be dragged into the sea before you know what's happening!"
"Please don't pull too hard," mocked the elephant.
The rabbit ran to the seashore with the other end of the rope.
He saw a whale swimming some distance away, and called out to it. When the whale drew near he said, "Mr Whale you're so big but are you strong?"
"I'm the strongest animal on earth!" bellowed the whale.
"I'll show you how wrong you are," said the rabbit." Let me tie this rope around your middle."
"And then?"
"I'll drag you ashore."
The whale doubled up with laughter.
"All right, go ahead," he giggled." Tie your rope around me and pull me out!"
The rabbit tied the rope securely around the whale's middle. Then he ran ashore and rushing into the woods, hid behind a tree and shouted, "PULL!"
The elephant, intending to throw the rabbit high into the sky to frighten him, wrapped his trunk around the rope and gave a mighty heave upwards. The whale countered with a tug that almost brought the elephant to his knees. The two animals, hidden from each other's sight by the trees in between, marveled at the strength of the rabbit. They pulled and heaved and exerted their strength to the utmost, but neither could get the better of the other. Finally the rope broke and the two animals fled in opposite directions.
From then on whenever the elephant saw the rabbit he would quickly hide himself or run away, to the great amusement of the rabbit.

 


 
The Fairest of them all   Angel
 
An eagle once promised an owl in return for a favour, that he would never ever harm the owl's chicks.
"But do you know what my chicks look like?" asked the mother owl doubtfully. "How can I be sure that you won't mistake them for some other bird's?"
"Well," said the eagle. "Describe them to me, so that I can recognise them."
"Actually, they cannot be mistaken for any other bird's," said the owl, her chest puffing up with pride. "They are soft, fluffy, and by far the prettiest young ones you could ever see."
One evening, the eagle came upon a nest filled with screeching fledglings, their red mouths agape. He paused, then thought, "Surely these are not the owl's chicks. She said they are very beautiful, but these chicks look hideous." And he swooped down without a second thought and ate them all.
Returning to her nest, the mother owl found it empty save for a few bloodied feathers.
"How could the eagle have forgotten his promise?"she wailed. "I told him my chicks were the most beautiful in the world!"

Moral: Every mother thinks that her own children are the best.
(Adapted from a fable by the 17th-century French writer, Jean de la Fontaine)

 


 


Posted at 07:46 am by harmimi
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